It was a somber evening as I walked along the corridors of the University. I was supposed to deliver a week-long lecture series on “Spiritual Healing: Challenges and Acceptance.”
The Dean had invited me, keeping in mind the increasingly violent and apathetic nature of his students, which threatened to topple humanity’s very existence.
He was very assured that some kind of emotional trauma triggered their streaks of erratic behaviors and needed an intervention.
Nidhi, one of the most inquisitive and brightest minds, walked alongside me, talking excitedly in rapid succession, “Ma’am, I think the reason many of us keep circling back to our trauma is we grow comfortable being there – in a constant state of sadness, depression, and anger. Because we believe that’s who we are – defined by our negative experiences.”
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I liked her thought process. It was true. Maybe that’s also one of the reasons why we tend to prefer the company of victims with similar traumatic encounters.
It keeps us in the loop – a way of baring our wounds to the world and telling them off – rather than healing.
In some ways or other, we are afraid to step out of our nightmares as much as we are intimidated by them. We are scared of the change it would bring. The fear is real and it is the fear of the unknown that keeps us trapped in our suffering.
Because healing would then mean forgetting a part of life that we had carried for months or years and the identity we have created around it.
We become accustomed to our victimhood and the subsequent attention it garners. And so, when we define ourselves by our trauma, we bear the brunt of the physical and spiritual ramifications our actions bring upon us.
Nevertheless, Nidhi’s comments set a chain of thoughts running through my mind as I prepared for my lecture the next day. My eyes wandered around the lecture hall and found a lone student sitting in the gallery. I sat beside her and asked, “What’s your name?”
That was all I asked. Yet, without even looking at me, she responded, “I am a victim of a violent rape. I am, however, strong and working my way through the trauma. Your lectures and podcasts have greatly helped me.”
She still hadn’t given me her name, which was a knee-jerk moment. I paused, sneaking a glance at her. She appeared jaded, with a distant look in her eyes, as if her soul no longer belonged to her body.
In many ways, we try to dissociate the traumatic version of ourselves from our real selves. That’s when it hit me hard – each person, while in the process of healing, still ends up being stuck in their trauma.
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They are anchored to it, even though they are trying to confront their demons, working to bring meaning to their horrible experiences, and trying to support others with similar situations.
The bottom line is they are NOT healing. Instead, they are working around their pain and learning to accept them as part of their lives – a shadow that perpetually and silently follows them.
I had a similar experience when I was doing an Akashic Records reading session for a client – Aarti. Her records revealed that she had been in abusive relationships in her past lives – either as the abuser or the victim.
And in each lifetime, she had neither acknowledged nor taken the appropriate measures to cut the chords and clear her karmic debt.
She sought me out in her current life, finally addressing her twin flame issues. Yes, she married her twin flame, but it was not a smooth ride. Theirs was a tumultuous relationship—one characterized by the crests and troughs of intense passion, toxicity, and brutishness.
Yet, she was reluctant to dissolve the entanglement. She feared she would lose the meaning of her life if she left him. All the emotions—however dangerous they were—excited her in a twisted sort of way. She was not ready to let go of the one thing that tethered to her perceived reality.
So, yes. In some perverse way, we all become the slaves of our wounds and shut the doors to healing. It is like the Stockholm Syndrome, growing attached to our captor – the trauma. We are trapped by it but still love to dwell on it and are not ready to do the inner work.
It is finally up to us to either remain unhealed or step forward towards healing. As Buddha said, “My teachings are a raft meant to help you cross over the river. Once you get to the other shore, set them down and go on with your life.” Once enlightened, continue to live your life—just don’t carry the raft around with you!
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Dr. Manmeet Kumar is a Spiritual Coach who founded Soul Miracles in 2016. She uses her gifts of being a psychic and a medium to enable others to transform their inner core.
Well said ma’am. It is very hard to let go our trauma because they become our reason to live n get sympathy from others. But when it came to rape victims their souls are torn apart. Working on their healing is quite difficult.
Your Spiritual power may help million of people around the world.
Very helpful to get out of trauma