Our mother died all alone in the hospital during the second wave of covid, we could not even cremate her.
She went to see our dad who had just passed away due to covid & she got covid & to our shock & disbelief passed away too
Why did we let her go?
Why couldn’t one of us have gone?
We just did not know that she would go away so soon”
We want to know is she doing ok now & what were her last thoughts?
As the three children, 2 daughters (18 & 24 yrs of age) & a son (22 yrs of age), shared their story I could sense a deep feeling of guilt that they could not be by her side on her deathbed.
I could also sense the shame that they were so scared of COVID that they thought of their safety first. They also felt the Guilt because they let her go alone never to return.
When I asked them what their mother was like, they said she was a simple lady who was a housewife and a mother. They did not share any more information about her. I wanted the mother to know how her family remembered her. These are moments of closure that I give not only to the family but also to the soul.
They were full of praises for her cooking and the person that she was. She used to attend prayer meetings in the building. She was their social face and the religious face of the family to others.
And then I channeled the soul. It was a completely different picture. It was the soul of a lady who wanted to work at a young age, who had told her father that she wanted to go abroad and pursue her studies, pursue her dreams.
No doubt she had dreams of getting married. And no doubt she wanted to raise a family, but she wanted to stand on her own feet. In fact, from her past life, it was quite clear that one of her major desires was the need for financial independence and to build herself as an independent person.
And there she was, married into a Marwari family and totally in the throes of being a very submissive bahu and then a mother & then a mother in law.
“What could I have done in those confines?” The mother’s soul asked me.
She lamented that she didn’t have the courage to take a stand and do what she wanted to do, but she had enough love in her life to support her. Working women were so unheard of, that even if she and her husband would have thought of her working, it would have been considered completely something that is not done.
Though she was not in pain, she had a lot of regrets. And she showed me sides of herself that were completely hidden from the family, whether they were hidden or whether the family did not make effort to find out the woman that she was.
They could only remember her for the wife, mother, mother-in-law that she was, how well she cooked. These were the roles or actions, but no one said who she was.
It Is something that I think children as they grow up, stop asking their parents who they are. We only think of this person as my mother and these are her responsibilities.
You would never think of a mother having dreams or a mother Not having met those dreams, you would not talked to a mother as we would talk to a friend like “How did you feel when this happened?“, in a way that you actually care.
But the mother felt that her role in this life had been subjugated to just being that of a support system, a support system to support first her parents, then her husband, then her mother-in-law, then one child, second child, third child. And she felt that she’d lost her essence in life.
She told me that she really liked to read Hindi poetry but nobody knew and no one was bothered to know, even though she told her husband a couple of times. No one gifted her a book to read, not that she couldn’t have bought it herself, but nobody bothered beyond her role to know her as a person to gift her things.
Not that they were expensive, but the thought was missing. It’s not that she held all of this against her children, but it was a revelation for me as a medium to see what the soul was showing, to see a completely different picture on the screen, and a completely different audience wearing colored glasses.
Do we really treat our parents as men and women? Do we really treat our parents as people who also have desires, needs and wants, or we don’t? Do only think of them as someone who is old, someone who is beyond the age of having fun. And do we think we are really very modern if we ask them for a movie once in a while?
I that of course it’s a well-known fact that the efforts parents put in their children, the children, never put back in their parents because they are too busy with their lives.
But I wish that someone reading this would put in that kind of effort to their parents to treat them as human beings & not as maids, drivers, or people who are filling up their college forms or gift a sari/kurta to their parents on their anniversary or take their parents to Varanasi on a boat full of old people. Maybe their parents have young dreams.
Maybe they have young aspirations. Maybe just their body has aged, but not their soul.
I requested the family was that we should sit in a group and sit in a circle. Think of your mother and think of her as a person.
As the mother guided me to show glimpses of her life & who she really was.. Her children began crying & laughing through her life story she was narrating. They began to listen to her and understand her as a person something she always wanted them to.
And in the end, they were not suffering. They were looking at her as the person she was. They were looking at her as someone who led a full life.
I realized that they the family was still grieving. So, I told them this. I said “You are grieving for yourself. You are not grieving for your mother. Your mother is happy, your mother is satisfied with the life she led. Except for a few moments of fear towards the end, she had no regrets.
She lived a rich life, a full life, a love, a loved life, a lovable life. And all she wants now from you is to look at her life in its entirety and not in sadness that she went to COVID and not in sadness that there was nobody around her. Remember her joy of having lived this very fulfilling life.”
The mother also told me that in the next life she’s going to talk to her guides, to not make her a woman. And she said that I want to be born in a Karam Yogi family. Where every person has to do something to earn a living.
“Maybe I’ll be born somewhere else but I want to be of service to others. I want to see a life where I am able to support myself. And I want to explore that freedom.”
And these were, you know, words of closure for them.
Each one of those girls sitting in that group decided that they are going to be a karma Yogi even in this life, even if it’s a small thing they do, they are going to do something to make a difference and that was the ode to their mother.